Fun with Fan Fiction

I don't know if this can be truly classified as fan fiction because it hasn't been published in a story form but maybe it can now.  My friend Michelle and I collaborated on this fun little item.  It's actually and invitation to a Harry Potter themed 4th of July party.  Michelle, who is so creative and detail oriented it makes my head spin, wanted to create an issue of The Daily Prophet that she could send out to everyone as an invite.  She enlisted my help to write the articles.  I was happy to let my imagination run a bit wild!  I even did a bit of fact checking (which makes me chuckle-I don't know why.  If you're going to do something, do it right!) on some of the Harry Potter fan sites and Wikis:)  A great one was the Harry Potter Wiki.  I know: clever.  But it had what I needed to create my assigned articles.  I have to thank Michelle for giving me the opportunity to visit the world of Harry Potter several years after the defeat of Voldemort even if it was in my own head!  Cheers, Michelle! 

P.S. If you would like to read my major contributions to this edition of the Daily Prophet, see below:)  Have fun!

Hogwarts re-dedication to be postponed: spider infestation to blame.

The Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has seen some amazing historical events: the creation of the Poly Juice Potion; the breakthroughs with the Philosophers Stone by Nicholas Flamel and Albus Dumbledore and of course, the ultimate defeat of the Dark Lord.  But now that great building is under siege by a force proving to be most destructive.  Spiders.  Spiders in vast quantities.  Spiders in such numbers as have never been previously seen. 

The question of why so many spiders may be significant but these spiders are not just numerous they are also impervious to anti-pest charms.  Witches and wizards from around the world have answered the call of Headmistress Minerva McGonagall.  "We know that these spiders have been born and bred in the Forbidden Forest.  They began to be a problem during the Battle of Hogwarts several years ago.  According to our Game Keeper, Rubeus Hagrid, they have been breading quite peacefully for several decades with no sign of leaving the forest.  However, the dark magic residue left from the un-pleasantries has attracted them in alarming numbers.  We have cleaned up all of the magical pollution but we cannot seem to evict the spiders."

The re dedication and reopening of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was set for July 13th but has had to be postponed.  Professor McGonagall is optimistic that a solution will be found.  "We have dealt with much worse than this.  We will persevere.  Perhaps our newest witches and wizards will be able to find a solution where their elders have failed.  We will open the school, arachnids or none on August 1st!"

New Discovery: Longbottom's Leaf cures stupidity!

Research shows that seven out of ten teen wizards lose their wits in one or more magical mishaps.  Usually, the results of these wizardly wobbles are temporary and wear off in time.  However, on average four out of ten Hogwarts graduates report childhood memory loss, two out of ten report higher than normal instances of losing track of their normal routine, and five out of ten say they have trouble remembering important dates. 

These alarming statistics have caused the Hogwarts teaching staff to evaluate their curriculum and safety precautions.  As a part of the Magic and Safety evaluation, Mr. Neville Longbottom, lately famed for his leadership role in the troubles of recent years, was hired as a botanical consultant.  His work with Professor Sprout, Professor of Herbology at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has been ground breaking.  

Mr. Longbottom took his research to the depths of the Amazon rainforest to work with the native witch doctors of the Moxateteu Yanomami.  There he discovered a rare herb with magical properties related to Vinpocetine, which enhances blood circulation and improves oxygen use in the brain.  The herb has been dubbed Longbottom's Leaf and early tests are extraordinarily promising.

When asked about his research Mr. Longbottom commented, "Look, I won't claim its a cure or anything.   There are loads of tests still to do.  But if anyone wants to sign up for testing they need to get in touch with Professor Sprout or myself at Hogwarts.  We are also setting up a lab at the Ministry of Magic.  I bet there are people who are having all kinds of memory issues after working spells for decades.  We would like to see you if you are one of them." 

Chuddley Cannons within One Game of Title

(The number of years on this article are slightly off in conjunction with the rest of publication.)

The habitually horrible Chuddley Cannons have stunned fans with their amazing display of aerial artistry during the Quidditch Premier League Finals.  Fans are ecstatic about this change in the fortunes of the favorite club.  This year looks to be the end of the long loosing streak which began in 1893 and has continued unabated for 119 years.  Fans attribute this amazing recovery of fortunes to the new Cannons coaching staff.  Chuddley's management was criticized last year when they hired the young Oliver Wood as Head Coach.  Oliver was recruited out of Hogwarts to Puddlemere United but suffered from reoccurring wrist problems first obtained during the Battle of Hogwarts.  He finally left PU due to his chronic injury leaving a space free for the newly signed Cormac McLaggen to shine.

Wood is known for his dedication to the sport from his days as a Gryffendor keeper and captain where he earned a reputation as a hard task master and born leader.  His training has forced the Chuddley Cannons to step up their game.  Under Wood's direction, team conditioning and stamina have improved giving them the edge against teams who are unprepared to face a vastly improved opponent.  When asked why he was introducing such a rigorous training schedule Coach Wood replied, "I just don't understand how anyone lucky enough to play Quidditch for a living could possibly be such a nitwit as to not give everything they have every time they play."

The Cannons play next Sunday against the Falmouth Falcons who are the defending champions.

 Clog Clogs Incoming Ministry Traffic: Muggles to blame for toilet catastrophe.

(This one didn't make the cut but I expect to be edited.)
For 15 years the main entrance to the Ministry of Magic has resided in Whitehall, Central London with employee entrances through the Whitehall public toilets.  However, Wednesday last, a streak of local vandalism caused a breakdown in the entry system.  Apparently, a group of muggle teens flushed rubbish down every toilet in both the men's and women's facilities.  When Ministry employees arrived for work on Thursday they were unable to access the ministry entrances. 

When asked what action the Ministry was taking to resolve this problem, Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shaklebolt said, "Our goal is to provide a much more user friendly entrance to the ministry.  It was never ideal to have to jam up the public toilet to get to work in the morning and, quite frankly, it was only a matter of time before the muggles started to notice how popular that particular public toilet was.  We believe that the teens responsible for the vandalism perpetrated their prank after noticing an abnormally high number of people going into the facility.  I think we are just lucky they didn't notice that those people didn't come out of the toilet until evening.  We are working on an alternate entrance located in the vicinity of Charing Cross.  It is the ministries opinion that no one would ever notice more people going around in circles because they are already an alarming number of vehicles using that traffic circle at rush hour.  We anticipate a usable portal by the 25th of this month for both pedestrian and magical vehicle traffic between Trafalgar Square and Cockspur Street."

The vandalism of the Whitehall public toilet caused delays in several magical services and agencies including the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures which had a nearly catastrophic systems failure when no one was available to feed the albino bloodhounds.